Too Much
by NCISMcGee
Summary: *SUMMER 2010 CHALLENGE* What happens when it all gets to be too much? Callen snaps when he loses yet another friend. Mild crossover with the original NCIS. Character death. Rated for mild swearing and dark thoughts.
1. Lost

This was written specifically for the summer 2010 challenge issued by angelprincesslilac. I wasn't going to start writing a new genre, but this challenge inspired me to start.

This is actually a mild crossover between LA and the original NCIS. I've taken the liberty to change the ending of NCIS season 7 in a HUGE way.

Character death(s) ahead, some already known (Dom and Macy) and one unexpected. No pairings.

Spoilers for NCIS episodes 'Patriot Down' and 'Rule 51' and LA episodes 'Found', 'Burned' and 'Callen, G.'.

(The part between the xxNCISxx is a flashback. (Just to clarify.))

As usual, I own nothing remotely related to NCIS except the first six seasons on DVD. Don't sue me, you won't get much. (By the way, this is SO NOT helping me get over my Chris O'Donnell obsession…LOL)

_NCIS_NCIS_NCIS_NCIS_

Sometimes being an NCIS agent really sucked. The last four weeks had been one of those times for G Callen. Things had gone from really bad to horrible over that relatively short period of time.

Being a master of deceit had helped him hide his anguish from his teammates and side-step Nate's attempts to get in his head. He put on his mask and plowed through his days at the office acting as if everything was fine even after losing Dom and Macy in a three week span.

Getting burned and being out on his own was just another hazard of the job as far as he was concerned. While he admitted he was a bit worried, not just for himself, but for his fellow NCIS colleagues as well, he knew his team would have his back. At least that's what he made them believe.

He even acted like it hadn't bothered him to find out he had a sister that he had lost without ever really knowing her. When he returned from her grave yesterday he allowed his friends to give him a few sympathetic comments but didn't dwell on it. He didn't even acknowledge that he was so close to finding out his true identity he could almost taste it only to have it all ripped away from him in the end.

He was so good at lying to people, his own friends even, that it seemed like they were buying it. Then again, maybe not.

He knew Sam was on to him. He never could hide anything from his partner for too long. He also knew Hetty was watching him a little closer than usual. She was a smart woman; it took a lot to fool her. Nate was persistent and constantly tried to ferret out his true feelings. Kensi just gave him a sad look whenever he happened to catch her gaze. Eric was indifferent, but he could tell the young computer genius knew all was not well.

So when he got the call today, he couldn't hide in plain sight anymore. He had to get away.

xxNCISxx

G walked into the bullpen at NCIS headquarters to find Sam, Kensi and Nate already there arguing over some trivial matter as they often did. Hetty watched with a small smile on her face from her office.

Things seemed a bit lighter then they had in the last week. After the Ops Center was shut down and total chaos had taken over, it was crazy. Now that they were back where they belonged, it seemed things were slowly getting back to normal for his team.

He sat at his desk and began to shuffle through the rather large pile of papers he was supposed to turn in to Hetty. Case reports, expense reports and other assorted 'official' paperwork. He sighed as he thought of how long it was going to take him. He could hear the phone in Hetty's office ringing, but paid it no mind.

A few minutes later, just as Sam was starting to harass him about the paperwork, his own cell rang. He picked it up from the desk and looked at it funny. Why was Vance calling him on his cell? Maybe it was in connection to the whole mess of his cover being blown. He shrugged and answered.

"Callen."

"Agent Callen, how are things going with your team?"

"Fine." He wondered why Vance was calling to check up on his team. Something was wrong, that was for sure.

"Good to hear." Leon hesitated just a bit too long for Callen's comfort. "The real reason I'm calling is there's something you need to know and I wanted you to hear it from me first. It won't be easy for you, but I don't want you finding out second hand."

As Leon continued on, the rest of the world became a blur. Suddenly G forgot how to breathe and all the color drained from his face. He didn't notice the looks of alarm on everyone's faces. He hadn't noticed Hetty had walked from her office and was standing behind him with a stricken look on her face. He hadn't noticed the tears falling from the corners of his eyes either.

"Agent Callen? Are you still there?"

Leon's voice briefly brought him out of his dazed state.

"Yeah. Thanks for calling me. I appreciate it."

He hung up and sat there in silence for a few seconds.

"G?" Sam's voice barley registered.

G jumped up from his desk and grabbed the car keys off Sam's desk. He nearly ran from the office without a word leaving his team behind wondering what the hell had just happened.

Hetty had stepped into the bullpen. "Director Vance called to inform Agent Callen that Special Agent Gibbs was gunned down while he was following a lead in Mexico. He didn't make it."

Kensi gasped and put her hand over her mouth. She had only worked with Gibbs that one time but she liked his style. He seemed like a decent guy under the rugged exterior.

Nate sat silently knowing this was the final straw that was going to push Callen over the edge. He had watched his friend slowly spiral out of control even though G had thought he fooled him. He was truly concerned that G was going to do something really stupid.

Sam_ knew_ G was going to do something really stupid. He looked at Nate then Hetty. "I'll find him. Don't worry." He gently squeezed Kensi's shoulder as he left the bullpen to go after Callen.

xxNCISxx

G had managed to elude Sam all day. Leaving his cell phone on his desk was a good thing. He also knew the Challenger had GPS tracking and ditched it as soon as he was away from the building. (Sam was going to be pissed at him for that.) After that he just walked for a while. No particular destination, no one to see. He was beyond upset, he was angry. Angry at the world and angry at himself.

He ended up in some random bar in downtown LA. Normally he didn't drink because he knew 'a few' always turned into 'a few too many' when he was pissed. He remembered the last time he saw Jethro and the promise of the two of them getting a drink together. Well, that was never going to happen. So he figured, what the hell, he would just drink enough for both of them.

After having quite a few, he decided he really didn't want to be there anymore. He tossed some money on the bar to cover his tab then wandered outside. His senses were pleasantly dulled by the alcohol and he was feeling a bit light headed. The sun was going down by then and he wandered aimlessly for a bit, having no idea where he was going. The drinking binge did nothing to calm his anger; in fact he was more pissed now than he was when he left headquarters. The longer he wandered, the angrier he got.

Eventually he ended up at his newest 'temporary' apartment. He fumbled with Sam's keys for a few minutes before finding the right one and letting himself in. G turned on the light and stood in the doorway taking in the sparse furnishings. He never really owned much because he never really stayed in one place too long. He was surprised that Sam wasn't there. He thought for sure he would be waiting for him. That meant he was eventually going to show up, he knew Sam was still out looking for him.

Catching sight of one of the few personal items he had in his place, G threw the keys across the room, knocking the picture of him and Jethro off the desk. It hit the floor and the glass shattered. Suddenly, he was consumed by his anger. He saw the faces of the people he had lost recently. Dom, Macy, his sister (what little he remembered of her), Gibbs. He lashed out and punched the wall. Being unsuccessful in relieving his anger, he repeatedly smashed his hand into the plaster until he left a nice dent in the wall stained with the blood from his now bruised and cut knuckles. He was too angry to feel the pain even though he was pretty sure he had broken at least one bone in his hand.

He knew he was on his way to a full blown rage and thought about calming himself down for just a split second. Walking towards the kitchen, he pulled off his jacket and his hand brushed against his gun holster on his hip. He stopped in his tracks and pulled the gun from the holster. After staring at it for several minutes, he finally laid it on the counter that separated the living area from the kitchen. He shook his head to try and clear the rage induced thought from his mind. It wasn't the first time in his life that idea had crossed his mind. G walked over to the sink and pulled a glass from the drainer and filled it with water. He took a large drink and turned around to rest against the counter. It turned out to be a bad move, as he saw the picture of him and the team, Dom included, hanging on the refrigerator. It had been taken on one of the few nights they had all managed to get away from the office together.

The glass sailed through the kitchen into the living area and shattered loudly as it hit the hardwood floor. He slid down the cabinet and slumped onto the floor, the tears finally breaking free. He sobbed to the point that he had trouble catching his breath. Finally the weariness, alcohol and sadness overwhelmed him and he passed out on the kitchen floor.

That was where Sam found him half an hour later.


	2. Found

It was nearly midnight as Sam walked into the building for the twentieth time that day. He had stopped by often while he was out searching for G. This time he found the door partially open. Panic shot through him and he pulled his weapon out of habit. He pushed the door open and sighed. He recognized the dented wall stained with his partner's blood and the broken glass. This wasn't the first time G had gone off the deep end. He put the gun back in its holster.

"G? You in here man?"

There was no response as he walked across the living area. His eyes locked onto G's weapon resting on the countertop. Then he saw G sprawled on the kitchen floor. He nearly stopped breathing as he thought the worse, then he realized there was no blood pool. That and the fact that G was snoring lightly caused him to let out a deep breath. He quickly sent a text to the team to let them know he had finally found G and he was relatively okay. Now it was time to chew his partner up for the hell he had put the team through.

"Callen! Get your ass up off the floor!"

He nudged G with the toe of his shoe and G groaned a bit.

"Get up! We need to talk."

"Go away Sam," came the muffled response from the floor.

"No, I won't go away. What the hell is wrong with you?"

G pushed himself up into a sitting position and leaned back against the cabinet. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Just go away Sam; I'm not in the mood to talk."

"Too bad, because I am. Do you know how many people have been out there looking for you today? How worried we all were that you were going to do something really stupid? Look, I know loosing Gibbs was tough…"

G jumped up from the floor and put his finger in Sam's face. "You don't know a damn thing!"

Sam slapped his hand away and had to dodge the punch G threw at him. He had dealt with G before when he had gone off, but this was the first time he ever threw a punch at him.

"You're lucky I'm going to let that go."

That seemed to make G even angrier. He shoved Sam and continued to yell at him.

"Why? What are you going to do Sam? You going to shoot me or something?" He shoved him again. "Come on, let's go! I'm not afraid of you!"

Sam grabbed G's arm when he swung at him again and twisted it behind his back and pushed him face down onto the counter top. "You done?" He could feel G trembling under his hold and after a few more seconds, Sam realized G was crying. He sighed and let go of his arm.

G stayed with his head down on the counter. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. He began to sob harder. "Damn it Sam, I'm sorry."

"There's not a whole lot to be sorry about. It's okay to be upset and angry. It's been a rough time for all of us lately. Loosing Dom was really hard on everyone. Believe me, it took a whole lot for me not to lose my mind. For a while there I almost did. I mean, he died saving me G. How do you think that made me feel?"

G stood up but kept his eyes glued to the floor. He didn't want to face his partner, his best friend, at that moment. He sniffled as Sam continued.

"It was tough hearing about Macy. I know you two were friends. And getting burned is a bitch. It's one of our biggest fears in this job. Being out there with nowhere to turn is no fun. Then on top of all that stress you find out about your sister. I'm sorry you never got the chance to know her. All that alone was enough to make anybody snap. You keeping it all bottled up didn't help. That's what Nate is there for. You should talk to him. If not, you should talk to me. I would hope you could trust me enough to know I'll understand and you know I would never judge you, G."

Nodding his head and rubbing his eyes, G took a shaky breath. He looked up at Sam, his eyes bloodshot, dark circles under them. "I do trust you Sam. Every day I trust you with my life."

"Then talk to me man. Get this all off your chest."

G nodded again. "Yeah, just give me a couple of minutes."

Sam patted him on his shoulder then walked into the living area and sat in one of the two mismatched chairs. He heard G moving around in the kitchen and when he came in to the living room, he had a towel full of ice on his right hand. He made a face at Sam as he sat down in the other chair.

"How bad did you bust it up this time?"

G shrugged. "I think I broke some fingers. It hurts like hell."

Sam shook his head. "Want me to take you to the ER?"

"Later. Look, I'm sorry for taking off today. I know everybody was really worried about me. I guess I'm lucky to have friends like you guys to look out for me. I just didn't want to lose it in front of the whole office. I know a lot of people in that building already think I'm on the edge as it is. I didn't want to give them anything else to talk about."

"Come on G. You're one of the best agents around. Everyone in that office has nothing but respect for you."

"Yeah right. I'm the poster child for bad behavior. Being tossed out of three federal agencies will give you that reputation."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, G."

"Whatever. You know, watching Dom die right there in front of me really scared the hell out of me. That could be any one of us any day of the week. Hell, it was me last year. Laying there on that sidewalk bleeding out was one of the scariest things I've ever been through in my life Sam. See you trying to save him reminded me of you trying to save me. I guess it hit closer to home and reminded me how lucky I was. Not too many people get shot five times and live to tell about it. I just started to get my head back together after Dom's funeral when all hell broke loose. Macy was a good agent and a really good friend. I know she came off a tough, but she was always trying to prove herself in the 'boys club'. Sometimes Kensi reminds me of her. She didn't deserve to die the way she did."

"You know it's one of the hazards of this game, G. Deep undercover is dangerous."

G closed his eyes and swallowed hard.

"It sucked finding out I had a sister that I would never get to know. I tried to remember her. All I get are bits and pieces. I was so young. I remember the time I broke my arm and she thought it was her fault. I never knew she was my sister Sam. How could that be? I guess I was just the 'problem child' and got shipped around so much things got lost in the shuffle. Seems like that has stuck with me all these years. I'm still the problem child."

"No you're not."

Sam could see the tears building at the corners of G's eyes again as he went on.

"You know Gibbs was more than a really good friend. He was almost like a father to me sometimes. He always believed in me, even when I screwed up. He gave me a lot of good advice; he even saved my life once. Why couldn't I be there to return the favor?"

"G, this wasn't your fault."

He continued his rant, ignoring Sam completely. "What the hell was he doing in Mexico alone? When Vance told me what happened, I got so mad at Jethro. I couldn't believe he would be so reckless. He was always the one keeping everybody else from doing stupid stuff. I just wanted to call him and yell at him, and then I realized I couldn't. He really was gone. I would never talk to him again. Damn it! Leroy Jethro Gibbs was not supposed to die like that! He was supposed to be the hero! He was supposed to be the one who died protecting his team, the people he cared about, not alone in Mexico."

He swiped the tears off his cheeks with is good hand and took a deep breath.

"It's starting to get to me Sam. I'm forty one years old; I'm not getting any younger. I'll never have any sort of normal life in this job. Then losing three people in four weeks. I don't know if I can do this anymore."

"Have you heard anything I've said to you? Yeah, life sucks sometimes and it isn't fair, but you can't let it drag you down like this. None of these things were your fault and despite your opinion of yourself, people do respect you. Do think Hetty would have kept you around so long if you were such a screw up? You can't quit. I know it sounds like a bad cliché, but if you quit now, they win. Losing Dom and Macy and Gibbs will all be for nothing. They died for this agency. They died trying to get the bad guys. How pissed would Gibbs be to hear you say you want to quit?"

To Sam's surprise a small smile sprang up on G's face.

"Now as far as you running off with _my_ car today…"

"I know. I didn't hurt it. I still have the keys." He looked around to see where they landed when he threw them earlier. "Somewhere…"

Sam laughed a little. "So are we good?"

"Yeah."

"Are _you_ good? You're not going to go running away every time something bad goes down?"

"No. I promise I'll learn to deal with things better. I'll even talk to Nate if he wants me to."

"Good. Go get your jacket. I'll take you to get your hand looked at."

-NCIS-NCIS-NCIS-

A little over a week later, G Callen stood beside the casket draped with an American flag. It was a warm early June day in Stillwater, Pennsylvania.

The service had just ended and people were milling about. Sam watched his partner place a single white rose on top the casket with his left hand since the right one was in a cast. (His encounter with the wall had left him with four broken bones in his hand.) He heard G speak softly.

"I know you've never been one for mushy sentiments Jethro so I'll keep it short. You meant a lot to me and I'm really going to miss you. Don't worry about me; I've got a really good bunch of people looking out for me. I guess I'll see you again someday, but don't look for me too soon. I plan on sticking around for a long while."

G wiped a tear from his cheek and smiled down at the casket. He took a deep breath and walked over to where Sam was standing.

"You okay?"

Callen actually smiled at Sam as he realized he really was okay and things were going to work out just fine.

"Yeah Sam. I'm good."

_NCIS_NCIS_NCIS_NCIS_

Sorry to all the Gibbs fans out there! (I'm one myself so it was hard to kill him off.)

Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!


End file.
